August 2006

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The inevitable has finally arrived… my Mid-Life Cliche.

Someone should tell the local media I’m their next banner headline: Midwestern Girl, White, Wants To Do Good And Stuff.

But that’s how I (dinner) roll. Nothing against the fine people of Bloomington, Indiana, but I wasn’t ready to settle into 35 years of teaching 7th graders where Kentucky is. I had a great student teaching experience, but found myself thinking more about the 5 hours I’d spent on a university-sanctioned shadowing field trip to an inner-Indianapolis jr. high than the entire semester spent with Monroe County Schools. Up in Indy, I had followed this kid, Jordan, around all day. By 3rd period, when I saw that his cover-less social studies textbook still had the U.S.S.R. as a country, I wanted to follow him for the rest of his life.

And so I started exploring the possibility of serving a year in AmeriCorps. It’s a federal program that connects “volunteers” with nonprofits and other organizations and places them in impoverished settings for a year of service. Think “Domestic Peace Corps.” You can apply in whatever realm suits your interests or skills — for me, it was never anything but education. In many cases, you can apply directly to a post, so you essentially pick your placement. I really, really wanted a placement in a big city. I wanted to go where it was “the worst.” I wanted Washington, DC. I was batshit crazy.

I applied to a couple DC posts and had a Cincinnati one as backup. But living at home seemed potentially detrimental to the “experience” so I really hoped I didn’t have to resort to that. As it turned out, I was accepted to my first choice, and drove out for a meet-and-greet. The director of the small after-school program in — shall we say — non-tourist DC seemed enthusiastic about my potential contributions to their photography and digital media classes. I left feeling good, and returned to Ohio anticipating the challenges ahead.

A week before I left for DC permanently, I attended a sort of social function at my old high school. Therein I ran into scores of people I hadn’t seen in years. When telling them of my plans for the coming year, the most popular response – by an overwhelming margin – was that mildly disgusted-yet-expertly-morphed-into-cautious-surprise face. “You’re what?”

Apparently doing AmeriCorps is a bit admirable, but willingly venturing into the ‘hood for 9 hours a day is just gall dang silly. Would they be surprised to learn that no AmeriCorps workers are needed at the West Chester Pottery Barn?

Well, whatever.

Approval of the Midwestern legions or not, my goal for the year is to make my discomfort zone into my comfort zone. How many research papers on Jonathan Kozol should it take to get me into some intense field experience in everything he writes about? At least that’s the way I saw it.

It’s not that I even need a good reason. I only need to refer to a quote from the Greatest (Fake) President of All Time, Josiah Bartlet:

“One in five American children live in the most abject, back-breaking, gut-wrenching, hopeless poverty you can imagine – one in five, and they’re children. If fidelity to freedom is the code of our civic religion, then surely the code of our humanity is faithful service to that unwritten commandment that says ‘we shall give our children better than we ourselves received.’”

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It took all of 4 days to come up with an appropriate name for this blog, and I’m pleased to report it has slightly more depth than White Girl’s Assorted Perils.

Once again the solution to my not-really-a-problem presented itself when I wasn’t looking for it. The best solutions are always stumbled upon, yes? Or, in this case, driven upon.

Having completed the move to DC, I was ready to start my new and frightening existence among the East Coasties. But my parents requested one last thing before they left — how about we drive my route to work, both to familiarize me with it, and make them feel better? Because despite the fact they couldn’t change my participation in this, they could still impart essential wisdom like “turn left here.” So, I said sure. Why not. Good idea, even.

A few minutes later, I mapquested that mofo, printed out the directions, and set off towards the city.

My new apartment is just across the river in Virginia. First, it’s cheaper to live there, and second, it’s easier to have a car there. It also serves as a compromise with my roommate who works a little further back into The Commonwealth. Anyway, it’s barely across the border, so when emerging from the side road that leads to the highway, one is immediately greeted with the “skyline” of DC: the Washington Monument, Lincoln Memorial, and Capitol dome. It’s, in a word, awesome. The actual definition of awesome, mind you, not the version popularized by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Focus on the awe part.

Maybe it’s because I’m a social studies nerd, or because I think America ~rawks~, or because I have a general appreciation for architectural beauty on display. But looking at that sight, I can’t help get excited. In a way like “man, I’ll NEVER get tired of looking at that.” And I don’t think I will.

“Wow,” my dad said, as if thinking the same thing as me.

“That’s what I get to look at sitting in traffic,” I replied.

“Not a bad view,” he understatement-of-the-year’d.

I continued driving on the 14th Street Bridge over the Mighty Potomac until reaching my exit — the sign that said “US Senate.” How exciting!

I felt like I was on some kind of patriotic high. Not a rah-rah America, post-9/11 bumper sticker kind of patriotic, but the kind born in civic pride — as if these buildings were personifying “checks and balances.” I caught myself reminiscing about the social studies lesson plans I used to write. I know, I know — but don’t judge me, ok?

A few more turns and some stop signs later, I made a left and noted via my directions that I’d be on this street for a while. After a moment I glanced in my rear view mirror and was stunned — there, in all its glory, was an unobstructed view of the Capitol Dome, larger and closer than I ever expected. I couldn’t stop gaping, so good thing it was an early Sunday morning and traffic was non-existent.

Nothing could top a sight like that, right?

Nope. So let me reintroduce you to the phrase “nowhere to go but down.”

As I kept driving, the buildings alongside the road gradually began to look shabbier. Some had boarded-up windows; others had graffiti on the sides. Instead of inviting shopfronts I saw bars on doors. I glanced in my mirror again. The dome looked slightly smaller, but still every bit as visible.

I sat at a red light and looked at a row of condemned buildings adjacent to a liquor store with a little kid sitting alone outside of it.

“Do you have to go on this road?” My mom interrupted my thoughts.

Distracted by the corner store next to us with the two bullet holes in its glass door, I didn’t answer. I took a last glance in my rear view at the dome and turned off onto the street that would lead to my placement site.

Talk about sobering. I can’t properly articulate that feeling — going from a sense of pride and awe, to wondering what the residents of this dilapidated, seemingly forgotten neighborhood felt when they saw it. Obviously, I knew I’d be working in a poor neighborhood. But seeing the landscape morph before my eyes, all the while that same dome that had excited me ten minutes ago turned borderline mocking. The Capitol can be seen from so many points in DC, but the people in power there don’t reciprocate that view.

To belatedly answer my mom’s question, yes, it’s the only route for me to get to work. Looks like I’ll have plenty of occasions to ponder this new twist on American symbolism in my mirror. Welcome to life in the Rear View.

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